Waiting...and shopping

Waiting.  My least favorite word. I am a go-getter, someone who makes things work.  When I know what I want, get out of my way because it's going to get done done, my way. And if there is any word that goes alongside 'adoption', it's 'waiting'.  And honestly, it sucks. And it's exhausting. Emotionally exhausting. But waiting doesn't sound exhausting; it sounds easy.  Relaxing, after all, it's just waiting.  It's not. It's intense and agitating!

I have been blessed with people all around us, supporting us.  And I have been blessed with the knowledge that my father in heaven has this whole plan worked out.  A plan that is going to blow my mind with how perfect it is.  A plan that will surpass any small dream I can come up with.  But sometimes, my emotions win.  Even when I have all the head knowledge, my heart hurts and I have a mopey (mopy?) day or two. I see all these beautiful families who have waited just like me.  Who have beautiful stories.  And I wonder how much longer I will have to wait?

In my time of waiting, I went through a phases of baby shopping. *cringe* 2 weeks ago, I went on a major binge. Like 3 stores. But in my defense, I returned 2 shirts to Kohl's and had Kohl's cash to spend, so I got 7 outfit sets for only $11! I just felt as if I needed to have a diaper bag ready.  While I didn't go buy diapers or wipes, I did go buy a....what's it called....the wrap that makes the baby a burrito...a swaddle.  That's it.  I bought a swaddle.  I also bought several onies that are like a sleepers. Is that a sleeper or a onies?  (Can you tell I need to learn the names of all these things?). I also purchased a few newborn bottles because they were on sale.  Everything Most everything is gender neutral and is a good start should we get a spontaneous baby. Oh, and did I forget to mention the amazing Nebraska Huskers onies and sleeper set I got? And to smooth things over with Gabe since this was a secret shopping spree, I bought a set of Bronco onies (Go Broncos, beat Seattle!). I know that this doesn't change anything, it doesn't speed up the process.  But in a week of struggling to wait, it was something that I could do. But, I think that was my first and last spending spree.  Gabe has told me in no uncertain terms that I am not allowed to buy anything else until we are matched.  I'm ok with that, mostly because when I worked up the nerve to tell him about my shopping adventure, he didn't get angry.  He just rolled his eyes and shook his head.  I can deal with that.

Newborn clothes from Kohls for $11.  The pink was too cute to walk away from.  (Secretly hoping for a girl!)

And for having an adoption journey blog, I wish I had more to write about. I hate having no updates. It is discouraging at times but as Gabe would say, it is what it is.


(Well, Gibbs just unhooked the power cord to my computer.  Must be my sign that it's enough for now)