Answers to Questions

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Now that we have blown your minds over choosing to adopt, I know there are lots of questions.  How does it work?  How soon will you have a baby? Etc.  I’m a little overwhelmed right now with paperwork.  SO MUCH PAPERWORK!!   You wouldn’t imagine how much there is to do.  I’m starting to think that this could be a full-time job, just the paperwork and all that is involved. And while none of it has to be done right this second, the sooner it gets done the sooner we adopt. 

We chose to go with a christian facilitation agency.  They work with birthmothers and help them find a family they are comfortable with to raise the baby.  Gabe and I give our preference as what we are comfortable with, and they present our portfolio to birthmothers that meet our criteria, along with other families.  The birthmother then chooses the family she wants to raise her baby. 

One of the main things that attracted me to a facilitation agency is that they care about the birth mother.  As some of you know, Gabe’s sister had her first child at 15 and seriously considered adoption.  She ended up raising her son, but if she had put him up for adoption, I would want the agency she worked with had sincere compassion towards her.  So it only makes sense to look for that quality in an agency we would be using. I want to work with an agency that treats their birthmothers the way I would want my sister to be treated.

We also liked that all the portfolios of birth and adoptive parents had some aspect of Christianity.  All the couples (that I saw) were active in a church, and most birth parents were looking for their child to be raised in a Christian home.  It made me feel that the agency is selective and wants to work with Christian families.  Overall, I just really liked the principal.

We get matched no earlier than 20 weeks.  So once we get matched, things will (hopefully) go quickly.  We could be matched right away, but won’t be able to be matched with a more imminent baby because we don’t have a home-study done.  We have to have a completed home-study to be able to bring a baby home.  So we are working on it.  We could have started there but with Gabe leaving, we wanted to get everything done as soon as possible.

What else?  From what we have been told, most women are looking for an open adoption just because they want that option.  They don’t know how they will feel and don’t want to have that door closed.  So we are open to an open adoption.  But we will be the parents and if the relationship isn’t healthy for the child, we can stop it at anytime – we’re the parents (it’s not a formal contract).  I am hoping we get matched with someone who in a different situation would be good friends with.  If there are visits, the birthmother pays to see us and we meet for dinner or at a theme park or somewhere neutral.  This aspect is hardest on Gabe I think, but I just see it as a very unique opportunity.  It is kinda scary but we will take it a day at a time, and I’m surprisingly excited to see what happens.

Well, that’s it for now.  My mind is on overload after a long day at work.  I hope that answers some questions.