A New Life

Thursday was a beautiful day.  A little warm, but a nice summery day.  Work had been frustrating but all that was forgotten when I was told one of our dearest friends here in Springfield welcomed their 2nd child into their family. The kid isn't even mine but it's amazing how the beauty of a new life put a bit more pep in my step. Our friends invited me to come to the hospital that night to be their first visitor!  I went over and just enjoyed being part of their excitement and visiting with them.  Then they offered to let me hold their 6 hour old boy.

One of the things I am most worried about in our adoption is to be in the delivery room, be handed a baby in front of our birthmother, and look like a deer in the headlights.  I don't want to be nervous or scared (although I'm sure I will be as everything becomes real), and I don't want to do anything that makes our birthmother second guess that I am prepared to raise her child.

So back to my story.  Our friends let me hold their tiny child, and it was scary.  But as I held him, my confidence grew.  I was able to shift him around a bit.  Then hold him with one hand to get a pillow to put across my lap to help support my arms.  It wasn't so scary after all.  THEN, they asked me if I wanted to put him in his first onies.  Wow, what friends to invite me into such special moments and trust that I wouldn't break him.  So I picked him up and moved him to the bassinet.  Then the fun began.  With dad's help, I got his arms in the sleeves, but dad did most of the work with getting his fragile head in those tiny little neck openings.  It was just awesome to have someone there to help and teach me simple things.  It's the small things like that that give me confidence and I know I can be a parent.  In fact, I think every 10 minutes or so, I'd tell them, "yeah, I can do this."  

Then on Saturday, I picked up their daughter from where she ahd been staying and I had her for the whole day!  It started out with having to transfer her car seat from one car to the other.  Except no one had ever shown me or the other lady how to do it.  But after 10 minutes, we got it all done.  Then we ran to the store for milk.  Got all the way to the check out line, and I realized I didn't have my wallet.  Oh well. "Bug" (my new nickname for her) hung out with me all day and it was fun.  She is able to communicate very well with sign language and a few words.  

Me with Bug after naptime

Then around dinner time, I took her home and enjoyed chinese take out with the new family of 4!  I got to video tape Bug meeting her new brother, which she wasn't too sure about at first.  Then as both parents settled in to eat while each feeding a kid, I just helped so they could eat and relax.  After dinner, both Mom and Bug went to bed while I got to hold the baby and hang out with the dad.  We talked about kids and babies and things they have found that works or doesn't work.  They are a Godly couple and have shared some of their ways of disciplining and reasons for different views they take as parents.  It has been so awesome to just watch and take mental notes.

Gabe and I have been blesses with an amazing couple to call friend.  They allow us to be apart of their family and be close to their children.  They want us to be as involved with their kids as we want and encourage us to build strong relationships with them, even knowing we won't always live close. It is so humbling to have friends who trust you so much with their most precious possessions: their children. And I hope that I can spend as much time with them as possible so my confidence rises as a caretaker so I can be prepared for when my precious treasure is entrusted to me. I'm gonna rock the onies someday!

Letter from our Father

This weekend I went to a baby shower for a lady in our church.  The hostess gave a poem as the devotional.  It was just something she found online and printed off on some pretty paper.  The poem is a paraphrase of several verses throughout the Bible.  But they aren't just any verses, they are a dialogue of God's desire and love towards us.  Seeing his words toward us was a very touching moment for me.  We all know verses here and there.  We know the stories.  We know God loves us. But to see these bits and pieces strung together really shows the heart of God in a way that is so beautiful and overwhelming.  I want to say thank you to Ginger for sharing this with me.  It is something I am going to frame for our nursery, and will probably use for future baby gifts for friends.  Ok, ok, here's the poem, I hope it inspires you and opens your eyes in a new way.

 My Child,

You may not know me, but I know everything about you. 

Psalm 139:1 

I know when you sit down and when you rise up.

Psalm 139:2

I am familiar with all your ways.

Psalm 139:3

Even the very hairs on your head are numbered.

Matthew 10:29-31

For you were made in my image.

Genesis 1:27

In me you live and move and have your being.

Acts 17:28

For you are my offspring.

Acts 17:28

I knew you even before you were conceived.

Jeremiah 1:4-5

I chose you when I planned creation.

Ephesians 1:4

You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book.

Psalm 139:15-16

I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live.

Acts 17:26

You are fearfully and wonderfully made.

Psalm 139:14

I knit you together in your mother's womb.

Psalm 139:13

And brought you forth on the day you were born.

Psalm 71:6

I have been misrepresented by those who don't know me.

John 8:41-44

I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love.

1 John 4:16

And it is my desire to lavish my love on you.

1 John 3:1

Simply because you are my child and I am your Father.

1 John 3:1

I offer you more than your earthly father ever could.

Matthew 7:11

For I am the perfect father.

Matthew 5:48

Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand.

James 1:17

For I am your provider and I meet all your needs.

Matthew 6:31-33

My plan for your future has always been filled with hope.

Jeremiah 29:11

Because I love you with an everlasting love.

Jeremiah 31:3

My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore.

Psalms 139:17-18

And I rejoice over you with singing.

Zephaniah 3:17

I will never stop doing good to you.

Jeremiah 32:40

For you are my treasured possession.

Exodus 19:5

I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul.

Jeremiah 32:41

And I want to show you great and marvelous things.

Jeremiah 33:3

If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me.

Deuteronomy 4:29

Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart.

Psalm 37:4

For it is I who gave you those desires.

Philippians 2:13

I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine.

Ephesians 3:20

For I am your greatest encourager.

2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4

When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you.

Psalm 34:18

As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart.

Isaiah 40:11

One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes.

Revelation 21:3-4

And I'll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth.

Revelation 21:3-4

I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus.

John 17:23

For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed.

John 17:26

He is the exact representation of my being.

Hebrews 1:3

He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you.

Romans 8:31

And to tell you that I am not counting your sins.

2 Corinthians 5:18-19

Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled.

2 Corinthians 5:18-19

His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you.

1 John 4:10

I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love.

Romans 8:31-32

If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me. 

1 John 2:23

And nothing will ever separate you from my love again.

Romans 8:38-39

Come home and I'll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen.

Luke 15:7

I have always been Father, and will always be Father.

Ephesians 3:14-15

My question is… Will you be my child?

John 1:12-13

I am waiting for you.

Luke 15:11-32

Love, Your Dad

Almighty God

Profile Done!

Time for another post.  Our lives have been so hectic!  Today, I finally mailed in our profile proof.  Our profile is a 7 page (front and back) booklet that contains our birth mother letter with pictures that let her get to see up a bit more.  I have been working on it for several months and am a little embarrassed it took so long to get done.  I had it close to be completed, but I just didn't feel content with how it turned out.  I didn't like all the pictures I had, or felt I was missing some.  I didn't like the layout, the color, felt it was too simple, etc.  I was stressing myself out about not feeling exactly right about it.  I felt like there was so much pressure to have it perfect.  I finally set it aside so I could come back to it with a fresh mind.  But then life decided to get crazy.  We then had to get ready for Gabe's move as well as having several family visits.  But now that Gabe is sipping Mai Tai's on a beach and I am sweltering in Missouri, I finally had time to sit down and finish my project.  I finished our profile, printed a proof, and mailed it to our agency for their approval and suggestions.  And I feel very comfortable with the profile I created.  It is simple like we are, nothing flashy or over the top.  I have a feeling they are going to say we don't have enough "action shots" (shots of us doing things like playing piano, playing basketball, etc. but it's not a posed picture).  But with Gabe thousand of miles away, they are going have to be ok.  I think it represents us the way we want to be presented to birth-mothers. 

Below I posted the first and last page of our profile.  I would post more, but Gabe doesn't like lots of personal information floating around (me having a blog is a big deal).  But if anyone is interested in seeing the full profile, I can email a copy in PDF form.

*first page of our profile*

Picture 2 glittery green brads on the left side binding the booklet

*last page of our profile*

Now our adoption is out of our hands.  We have done all the steps we can do for now.  It's a waiting game now.  Gabe is getting really antsy, and I'm getting anxious too.  We are so excited and ready for the next step.

Now to clear up one little thing.  Some people are wondering why I didn't go with Gabe when he left for Hawaii.  He is there to train which will be very time consuming, then deploy.  I didn't want to be stuck on an island of people I don't know, alone.  As it turns out, Gabe will be in Hawaii for a month, then will leave for a course in California, and straight on to his deployment.  So even if I was in Hawaii, he wouldn't be there.  It's also a God thing, because Gabe needs to take this course, and I'd rather him take it now than when he gets back from his deployment.  It would be hard for him to come home and adjust to life back home, then leave, then re-adjust.  And honestly, when he gets home I'm not gonna let him leave for a long time.

Homestudy = Complete!

In my last post, I shared how Nebraska lost our clearances and our home study was put on hold.  Well, we almost had another major glitch.  Let me set the background.  When we signed up with the agency to do our home study, they gave us a list of all the documents we needed.  Then we worked with them for over a month.  And they have let us know what documents were outstanding.  For the last 3 weeks, I knew we were only missing some state clearances. Well, last week, they decided out of the blue that they needed a copy of Gabe's adoption decree.  Why? I have no idea.  Maybe to make sure his parents didn't buy him on the black-market?  Well, it just so happens that the day they emailed me was the day Gabe's parents were flying out of Denver to go to the Philippines for a month!  I quickly called Terri, my mother-in-law, and to my relief they were packing.  I asked her if she had the documents and after a few minutes of looking, she found it.  Then, she informed me their scanner may be broken.  I was freaking out at that point.  And with our Nebraska documents getting lost in-transit, I didn't want her to mail such a important document.  But God came through (which shouldn't surprise me at all).  Somehow Bill was able to scan the documents to me that afternoon, which I forwarded to the agency. Crisis averted.

So all that was left was the pesky Nebraska clearances, take 2.  Gabe got back on Friday so we went and got the documents notarized on Monday.  I was all ready to mail the documents then thought I should fax them as well.  I made out a coversheet with my info and faxed it at work.  Only a few minutes later, I get a phone call from the people I sent it (at my work phone which really surprised me).  They said they got my fax, no need to mail the originals, and they would fax it back to our home study agency later that day.  This afternoon our coordinator emailed and said they received it and our home study would be finalized tomorrow!

All these little hiccups are just that: little.  Amazingly, the situation hasn't become overwhelming or too stressful. Everything has worked out pretty smoothly.  Which in my mind affirms that this is what God is wanting us to do.  If this was not his will, his hand wouldn't be on all these hiccup situations and it would be a mess, I'd be stressed out and cranky.  But the timing of everything, especially the situation with Gabe's parents leaving in a matter of hours, has all worked out because God is in control and he is making this all work out.  It's his grace on us and our choice.  What a comfort that is!

So with our home study complete, this makes us eligible for a baby.  No more legal compliance.  Once we are selected, we can bring a baby home.  We can get matched with any birth mother, even one in labor.  Or we could get a phone call that an infant in our area is a match for us.  Those are rare occasions, but it is a possibility.  Which is exciting and slightly terrifying overwhelming.  In a way, I want to have time to prepare and build a relationship with our birth mother.  But with Gabe moving to Hawaii in a little over a month, a quick adoption would be a gracious gift.

Our first hitch

We have been busy, busy.  Things are moving along quite well in some areas, but we have hit a hitch in others.

Our homestudy still isn't complete.  We are still waiting for our Nebraska background check.  We sent it off a month ago, and our homestudy agency still hasn't received it.  Nebraska doesn't keep track of what they have received or sent, so we are going to have to send another request.  Gabe has been gone for 2 weeks for his annual training (enjoying the northern part of the US with all the mosquitos and ticks) so I was just going to forge his signature. But it couldn't be that easy, right.  Nebraska is one of the states that require a notary. So its a waiting game.  I'm hoping that our background checks are just late and will come in this week.  Thankfully, Nebraska is one of the states that didn't charge for the background check.  So at least we aren't out any money, other than 2 postage stamps.

But we had our pictures taken, and they turned out really well.  We were recommended to a couple that does photos by a friend at church.  We chose to go with them because they are a christian couple who have adopted 5 kids, and are currently waiting to adopt their 6th!  The first, they adopted with an agency out of Kansas City that we looked into.  The remaining 5 have all been foster-adoptions and are sibling sets.  It gave us a connection to them and I have really enjoyed getting to know Heidi.  We are very similar in personalities and I am hoping to develop a good friendship with her. 

While Gabe has been gone, I have finished up our birthmother letter and our website is up and running!  I'm hoping things move along quickly, but I am very content with where we are now.  We are working on our profile, but I'm not letting it stress me out.  I'll work on it here and there, but not every day.

And I will leave you with some photos from our photo shoot.  Didn't I marry a studly guy ;)