Finally, The Downward Slope

About 2 1/2 weeks ago, I was feeling discouraged about our adoption. We've been signed up for a year and a half and no one had expressed interest in us.  I had spent the weekend updating our birthmother letter and website to show we had moved from Missouri to Hawaii. I spent the morning praying and expressing my discouragement to God, just feeling exhausted with how long we have been just waiting. I went to my computer and was surprised to find a message in my inbox from our agency.  A birth mother coordinator had written us that a family wanted to learn more about us!
Over the course of the next few days, I learned more about the birthparents and answered some of their questions via email (all through the coordinator).  Few days later we set up a time for the 4 of us to talk on the phone. We talked for an hour and it was amazing.  The first thing they wanted to know was if we saw marriage as a life-long commitment.  Then they wanted to know how our marriage was, and it went from there.  They are very similar to Gabe and myself and talking to them didn't feel awkward at all. We actually didn't discuss the baby very much.  Mostly, we answered questions, asked a few, and just got to know each other. The birth parents are very educated, articulate and you can hear the love they have for their baby.

After the phone conversation, we didn't hear anything for over a week.  We started to doubt ourselves and play the 'what-if' game. We handled it pretty well, but the feeling of not knowing was heavy.  Do we start prepping for a baby? If so, how far do we go? We didn't want to go all in and look like fools if it didn't work out.  Finally, we took an evening out to get away from distractions and focus on each other.  We found a quiet Thai restaurant and we talked.  I finally came to the realization that this baby is God's, regardless of who raises him. So we just gave him to the Lord and let go of the illusion of control.  And yes, it is an illusion.

Monday morning we got a email from our coordinator saying the birth mother agreed to move forward with us! So, I can officially say that we are having a baby boy!

Yes, that does say Sept 18, as in less than a month away!

God's hand has been so heavy in all of this.  Here is a recap of his sovereignty.

• Birth parents live 10 minutes away from us.  This means the baby can come straight into our house after discharge from the hospital.  It also means we don't have to travel to and from the state the baby was born in for the birth and finalization of the adoption and have those expenses; because everyone involved lives in Hawaii, there is no red-tape between states. What a blessing because it would get expensive quickly, and it will be nice to settle in within our own home.

• Baby is due Sept 18th.  My prayer for several months has been that God would give us a baby on a day of significance, as a way of forever reminding me that he had everything under his control even when I couldn't see it.  My birthday is Sept 21.  I have had to slightly retract this prayer as my sister is getting married Sept 27th and we have tickets to fly home.  So we hope the baby can (naturally) come early but only if it is safe for everyone involved.

• Our September trip home for my sister's wedding would include time with both our families.  It is the only trip we have planned to see our families and it is doubtful they would be able to visit us in the future. But if for some reason this trip doesn't work out, we want to reschedule it for some future date.

• Gabe and I have had the worst time picking out a baby boy name. In 2010 we picked one name and never changed it.  JJ. From there, we picked out the name James, and finally Jensen.  Jensen James will be our name.  This is super cool because both birth parent's name start with J.

All that being said, it's still a little overwhelming to think about.  Gabe is leaving for 3 weeks to lead a military competition in Japan.  He could possibly be gone when the baby is born. But God knows this. And we want to travel home for the wedding, but it depends on a lot of factors.  I see it as if the baby was born in Texas, we would be flying home when the baby was 2 weeks old. So if the baby is that old and the dr. says it's ok, we might try to go home.  But being a parent means your child is the first priority, and it starts now. I'm not flying with a 3 day old baby! But God knows all this and he as spun this story beautifully, he won't overlook this detail.

Thanks to everyone who has prayed for us and shared in this journey. It has been an emotional few weeks. The past few years have seemed like such a long trail, but the downward slope has us at a run. I am glad I won't have lots of time to plan because I can get too wrapped up in the planning and it can overwhelm me. And besides, I've done enough waiting, right? Continue to pray as nothing is concrete until the baby is born, so there is always a chance they could change their mind. We just want God's will in the situation to be done regardless of the outcome, so pray for protection over our hearts. Also, please pray for the birth parents as it has to be a difficult time. They seem like a beautiful couple and we want nothing but the best for them.