(Written last night....internet pooped out and would't let me post)
Today was a crazy day! It started as my last day of work. As I left it, I am taking an indefinite leave of absence. Since my job was a temp job, my boss is unsure if she wants to fill it until I get back, not re-staff the position, or fill it and potentially hire the new temp. As we left it, she is going to do what she needs, and if I decide to get back in the workforce, I'll give her a call to see if she has a position for me. And if I decide to come back, we can cut my hours down to 20 a week, which would be about 6 hours a day for 3 days. It might sound complicated, but I feel good about it. I can make up my mind when I cross that bridge without having to worry about anyone else relying on me. My boss has been surprisingly understanding of the situation, especially today when I told her it would be my last day instead of Friday like we originally agreed.
I also spent the day trying to figure out what we are doing legally. It turns out, there is like 1 lawyer in Honolulu that does live birth adoptions. Most family law firms do adoptions such as foster adoption or married spouses adopting each other's children. I guess a live birth adoption is special due to termination of the parental rights?? I'm not quite sure I understand it. But the lawyers who can do the duties are limited. As to what a lawyer does, I'm still not sure. She is retained by us and kinda represents us. But it's not so much representation as it is getting all the paperwork through the court system. Hawaii law says that once the parents sign a consent/termination paper, and I step up and show I am acting as a parent would, the consent is irrevocable right away. This is great because it means the court would be in our favor should the birthparents change their mind in a week. So tomorrow, my goal is to meet with the lawyer and get everything taken care of.
I met with the birthparents tonight. I was so nervous to meet them, to see what they look like. I was so surprised. Any worried of having an ugly baby are gone! I'll just say that Jensen isn't going to be a basketball player. We sat in Starbucks and talked for 2 hours. I learned more about them, we talked about the baby and everything that is upcoming, and we talked boundaries and fears. I felt so calm talking with them. We all feel we have a comfortable relationship, a good foundation that will hopefully lead to relaxed visits if we choose to go that route. Halfway through our conversation, Gabe FaceTimed me from Japan, so he got to talk with them for a few minutes, so that was really special.
Talking with the birth parents, I found out that the birth mother had been really tired for a while and super thirsty. She went in for a routine dr. appointment and at the last minute they took an unplanned ultrasound, which lead to the discovery the fluid was low. Another God thing. As it looks right now, she is going to the hospital tomorrow evening to start on fluids, and will be induced Thursday morning. I think the baby will be right at 37 weeks and it didn't sound like the doctors were too worried about it. They will keep me updated and let me know when I need to head to the hospital. But because she is only dilated 1cm, we are all aware that it could be a long process. I offered to bring food and sit with the birth mother if the birth father needs to step out for a break, so we will see what happens. I left it as they can make the first move as to how active they want me. I know it's an intimate movement for them too and I don't want to crowd them, hovering over ready to scoop up my baby.
There are definitely some fears that the birthparents aren't ready to say goodbye. They seem so normal, sooooo similar to Gabe and I. They seem so perfect in so many ways. So it's hard to understand the decision they are making. I have been really anxious about it all night. But I keep looking at all the God things, how he is weaving this intricate story. It seems like he is going through alot of work to have it all fall through at the last minute. So that's what I try to hold onto.
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