Lessons from Grandma

My Grandma Rosie passed away Thursday afternoon.  It came as a surprise as she hadn't had any new major health issue. I arrived home today and was blessed that Gabe was able to fly in from Hawaii before his deployment.  In my 8 hour drive home, I had time to reflect on Grandma, the life she lived, and values she taught.  Most of my current memories of her were in her limited physical form after her stroke.  But I found so much joy in remembering old memories, as well as seeing how she stayed the same after her stroke.  Grandma was a very spunky, determined, loving woman, and that never changed.  

Here are just a few memories of Grandma.  Each so special to me, each showing just a sliver of the woman she was

Grandma was a hostess.  It really was one of her spiritual gifts.  Anyone new at church got an invitation over for lunch.  And she cooked the best food!  I remember one holiday, probably Christmas, were she wanted to make 1 dish for each person.  We could all make a request and she was going to make sure it ended up on the table.  And it ended up being 10 items...bread and butter pickles, green beans, bread...I remember my request was mashed potatoes and I was so excited!! I just have so many memories of the whole extended family that started with a meal and ended up just hanging out as a family.  That example is what I saw passed down to my mom, and it's something I desperately want in my life in my home.  The openness, fun, family, and the safety found at Grandma's is a model of how a Godly women's home should look.

We spent lots of time at Grandma's.  Lots of weekends, nights here and there, and maybe a week or two in the summer.  It was our second home.  The biggest memory I think all the grandkids had (other than having to pose for hideous pictures constantly), was when she would tuck us in for night, she would give us backrubs while singing old hymns.  It was such a comforting thing and I don't ever really remember being upset that my parents were away for the night.  She would sing 6 or 7 hymns,  taking her time, just enjoying the moments that became such treasured memories to us.  Because of that, I have a special love for hymns. 

Grandma taught me how to earn my money. Except for birthdays or Christmas (or the time she paid to finally cut my hair), every dollar from Grandma was earned. She would make me follow her around in the yard, marking dandelions with a flag.  I got a nickel for everyone I found.  There would be flags all over the yard, and we would then go around and hoe each one.  She would make me mow the front yard, but afterwards I'd get a dollar or two.  When I was older and Dad taught me how to use his .22, we would go over at night and shoot the rabbits on Grandma's yard.  My wage was $1 per rabbit.  And gophers.  She hated them! We'd flush them out with water and she'd hack them with her hoe. I don't remember the going wage for gophers, but I remember the time we got 7 in a day.

I remember one time she was watching my cousins and I while our parents double dated.  Briann and I shared a room and we were pretty cantankerous when we got together.  After goofing off when we should have been in bed, we decided maybe we could talk Grandma into letting us stay up, so we tried the "we can't sleep because we're hungry" game.  I think she saw through it, but I remember her words so clearly.  "There are so many children going to bed hungry.  I won't have any in my house."  And at 10pm, she popped us popcorn. Not sure there is a lesson here, just a memory.  Maybe the lesson was to sometime humor someone else?  Who knows if you are making a memory for them?  Or maybe the lesson was to show love to cantankerous kids? Or maybe it was as simple as showing love and generosity to someone else, even if you are unsure how honest/sincere their motives are?

The only time I remember Grandma being mad, really mad, is when Tyler and I went tramping around in the wheat field, I think crawling and making "tunnels".  Well, the spot we chose for our little adventure was right in front of her back window.  She was so mad at us!! Told us to never go play in a wheat field after Easter.  At that time, I knew that you could let the calves graze on the wheat, but then later you shouldn't walk in the wheat fields. That was the extent of my knowledge. I didn't really know much about the seasons of farming/harvesting. But that day Grandma taught me my first bit of farming advice and Easter is burned in my mind as the cut-off for playing in the wheat.

This is one of my favorite memories: A year or so after her stroke, I had a late volleyball game and had to be up super early the next day for a band trip.  So I walked to Grandmas apartment and spent the night in her guest bedroom.  I remember slipping in the back door and trying to be quiet as not to wake her.  I was 14ish and still adjusting to the "new" Grandma after her stroke.  I remember lots of frustration in trying to understand her, and her frustration with her new limits. When I walked into the spare bedroom, the first thing to catch my eye was that she had taken the time to get an extra blanket and put it on the bed for me.  Such a simple act, but to me it was big.  She might not have been able to communicate clearly, but her message was crystal.  She was still the same.  Her love for me hadn't changed.  She still wanted to take care of me, however she could. The Grandma's love I had known before was still there regardless of her physical limitations.

I went home a few weeks ago and I stopped in to see Grandma.  I've noticed the past couple years, she doesn't try to converse as much as she used to.  But she found joy just having family around her. Even if she didn't make an effort to join the conversation, she just loved to listen to what was happening in our lives.  It was such a simple, uncomplicated love.  A joyful love.  A unconditional love.  There are few people in our lives who take that much joy and love in us, especially in the little things. I see it as a small, inner circle of people.  It may not have fully hit me yet, but my circle just shrunk dramatically. I'm thankful Grandma is living fully in Heaven with our Savior.  A fullness that we on earth can only imagine. I'm thankful that she got to meet Gabe and that they had a special bond that started when she literally dragged me out of her house and locked me outside so Gabe would tell her without me overhearing where he had planned our surprise Honeymoon.  She was the only person he ever told before we left.  He's response was "it's Grandma.  You can't say no to Grandma."  I find sadness for me that she won't ever get to meet my children.  But she knew of our adoption plans and was excited for it. 

Grandma at my wedding in 2009

On a side note, apparently Grandma got in a walker fight at church last Sunday.  Someone else tried to take her seat (that has been hers for the last 13 years), and in the middle of prayer, all anyone could hear was the clanking of her using her walker to fend off the imposing walker.  Yes, her determination, independence, and stubbornness were there from day 1 to her last day.  I'm proud to say I definitely have those traits and I wear them proudly, much to Gabe's dismay.

Thanksgiving in California

I haven't written in a while because, frankly, that hasn't been much to report on the adoption front.  Right now we are in a waiting game.  We are waiting for a birth mother to look at our profile and request to learn more about us and maybe start communication. The adoption agency has pretty much gone silent on us.  They don't want to tell us each time a birthmother requests our profiles.  If they did, we could feel discouraged.  For example, if 5 birthmothers request our information in a month but no one ends up choosing us, if our agency lets us know each time we would have an emotional roller coaster and could start to question "what's wrong with us? Why won't anyone pick us?" Especially if we know people are viewing our information.  I personally think Gabe and I have a good grasp on the process and could control our emotions, but it's what our agency sees as the best way.

So that's our quick adoption update.  Let me know update everyone on the rest of our life:

Gabe has been at Camp Pendleton for the last 5 weeks for an advanced machine gun leaders course.  He started the end of October.  He says it is the hardest thing he has ever had to do.  Harder than bootcamp, worse than his initial infantry training class.  But the only good thing to come out of the class was a 4 day weekend for Thanksgiving.  So I made plans to fly out. It worked out really well.  I knew the area since we had lived there for a year after we were first married, so I felt comfortable renting a car on my own and finding my way around.  We had a great long weekend.  It was very relaxing and almost seemed like a mini honeymoon (baby-moon maybe??) because we had no schedule and did what we wanted, when we wanted. We spent thanksgiving with a a family that used to live in Colorado and went to Gabe's parent's home bible study. The matriarch was almost like a second mom to Gabe.  And the funny thing is, Gabe's sister married her son.  So I spent Thanksgiving with my sister-in-law's in-laws.  We had a great time and it was such a blessing to be welcomed into someone's home for the holidays.

Thanksgiving 2013

Aside from Thanksgiving, we went to see a movie, ate at some of our old favorite places, and Gabe and I went to the Melting Pot and had a 4 course fondue experience.  It was my birthday, our anniversary (both which Gabe had missed), as well as a nice meal before Gabe deploys.  He called ahead of time, and we had an intimate corner booth with candles and rose petals.  He's a keeper!

Our table: I couldn't get the whole table, so this photo doesn't do it justice.

A funny story to leave you with.  I flew into San Diego about noon and got to our hotel on base (which was extremely impressive) where I waited for Gabe to tell me he was off for the weekend.  He texted me and told me he would be off in an hour and a half.  So I waited an hour, then drove to pick him up which took about half and hour.  I texted him letting him know I was sitting in the car.  Let me paint a picture: His class is at the military SOI school.  This is where ALL infantrymen got after bootcamp for a 3 month training that is more focused than bootcamp.  So it's lots of young guys wandering around in uniforms, all super modo and recently indoctrinated. There aren't girls around.  So I decided to stay in the car.  So I waited...and waited...and waited.  3 hours later....Gabe shows up, but he hasn't packed.  Apparently plans changed and they just had a spontaneous lecture.  So I wait a bit more while he packs.  Ok, punchline: After Gabe packed, he saw "my" car with the trunk open.  So he threw his bags in the trunk, shut the trunk, and jumped in the passenger seat.  He turned to the driver and say "Hey honey....?"  Yeah, it wasn't me.  Gabe thought I had been a sweetie and moved the car closer to him and opened the trunk for him. Well, Gabe profusely apologized to the poor lady whose passenger seat he had hijacked, and had to ask her to re-open the trunk for him!  Apparently someone else drove the same car, color and all. So the joke the whole weekend was he had better not get tired of me and get in a car with some other girl.

Gabe graduated from his course yesterday.  #2 in his class!! Yes, I'm bragging on him because he would never do it himself. I'm so proud of him for sticking it out when others failed and were cut from the class.  He had to hike Pendleton mountains with the massive weight of added gear and weapons.  He had to hand write a 72 page defense strategy (at least I think that's what it was).  He had to camp outside with a horrible cold with no access to medicine for a week. All while having to deal with others' stupidity along the way.  That type of dedication, discipline, and hard work is what I am thankful for this year.  With traits like that, I know I have the perfect partner for me to complete not only this adoption process, but the remaining years of my life.

Profiles = Done

So, I've had lots of people asking me about what's going on with our adoption because I haven't posted an update for a while. I'd like to say I have a good excuse, but I don't. 

I'll start with the printing. I saved a PDF copy of our profile and went to Fedex Kinkos to see how it turned out and to try different kinds of papers. It turned out perfect....except for the price. Bankrupt-exceedingly-expensive. So that stressed me out a bit. But I talked with our coordinator and she gave me a list of online paper companies that other families have used. So I quickly picked one and ordered a copy. I didn't want to order all 50 copies in case they were poorly done.  I quickly received our profile proof, along with this note on it. 

What an encouragement to us. I wanted to use this company, but the paper was too thick and there weren't many alternatives. 

So I went to the 2nd company. Time is ticking down (in my head), and I don't want to waste anymore time from being presented to birth mothers.  So I decide to order 10, and turn them in so at least we can be presented a few times while I wait for the perfect copies. But a day or two later, I had a bad feeling and I did some research on the paper and found I ordered even thicker paper than the first company had!  Freaking out and tired with everything, I went to the third company and took a chance. I ordered 50 copies, guessing on the paper and hoping it was thinner. I nervously waited a week and they were perfect! Exactly like the expensive Fedex copy!

So I spent the whole next Saturday putting the profiles together: hole punching, brad binding, taping a picture to the front, and signing our name on the last page.  It felt so good to be done with them! 

 
I mailed them from work on Monday and thought that was the end of that. Later that week, a co-worker forwarded me an email from UPS which stated my package was on a train that detailed in Amarillo, TX. I started to freak out. Were they damaged? Lost? Soaked in train fuel? Would I get reimbursed? And since I mailed them from work under our work account, would a check be made out to my employer? I finally took a deep breathe and reminded myself I spent less money in the profiles that I thought I would. It I had to re-do them it would be ok. Fast forward a week, the profiles delivered and no one contacted me that they were damaged. Praise The Lord!

So everything is turned in.  Our profiles are sent to birth mothers with whom we have matching preferences.  And if anyone requests information about us, they can either receive the PDF file or one of these hard copies.  I hope that I don't have to make any more, but it feels so good to have it done!  Now just waiting for one of our profiles to fall into the hands of the special lady that is going to bring our child into the world.

A New Life

Thursday was a beautiful day.  A little warm, but a nice summery day.  Work had been frustrating but all that was forgotten when I was told one of our dearest friends here in Springfield welcomed their 2nd child into their family. The kid isn't even mine but it's amazing how the beauty of a new life put a bit more pep in my step. Our friends invited me to come to the hospital that night to be their first visitor!  I went over and just enjoyed being part of their excitement and visiting with them.  Then they offered to let me hold their 6 hour old boy.

One of the things I am most worried about in our adoption is to be in the delivery room, be handed a baby in front of our birthmother, and look like a deer in the headlights.  I don't want to be nervous or scared (although I'm sure I will be as everything becomes real), and I don't want to do anything that makes our birthmother second guess that I am prepared to raise her child.

So back to my story.  Our friends let me hold their tiny child, and it was scary.  But as I held him, my confidence grew.  I was able to shift him around a bit.  Then hold him with one hand to get a pillow to put across my lap to help support my arms.  It wasn't so scary after all.  THEN, they asked me if I wanted to put him in his first onies.  Wow, what friends to invite me into such special moments and trust that I wouldn't break him.  So I picked him up and moved him to the bassinet.  Then the fun began.  With dad's help, I got his arms in the sleeves, but dad did most of the work with getting his fragile head in those tiny little neck openings.  It was just awesome to have someone there to help and teach me simple things.  It's the small things like that that give me confidence and I know I can be a parent.  In fact, I think every 10 minutes or so, I'd tell them, "yeah, I can do this."  

Then on Saturday, I picked up their daughter from where she ahd been staying and I had her for the whole day!  It started out with having to transfer her car seat from one car to the other.  Except no one had ever shown me or the other lady how to do it.  But after 10 minutes, we got it all done.  Then we ran to the store for milk.  Got all the way to the check out line, and I realized I didn't have my wallet.  Oh well. "Bug" (my new nickname for her) hung out with me all day and it was fun.  She is able to communicate very well with sign language and a few words.  

Me with Bug after naptime

Then around dinner time, I took her home and enjoyed chinese take out with the new family of 4!  I got to video tape Bug meeting her new brother, which she wasn't too sure about at first.  Then as both parents settled in to eat while each feeding a kid, I just helped so they could eat and relax.  After dinner, both Mom and Bug went to bed while I got to hold the baby and hang out with the dad.  We talked about kids and babies and things they have found that works or doesn't work.  They are a Godly couple and have shared some of their ways of disciplining and reasons for different views they take as parents.  It has been so awesome to just watch and take mental notes.

Gabe and I have been blesses with an amazing couple to call friend.  They allow us to be apart of their family and be close to their children.  They want us to be as involved with their kids as we want and encourage us to build strong relationships with them, even knowing we won't always live close. It is so humbling to have friends who trust you so much with their most precious possessions: their children. And I hope that I can spend as much time with them as possible so my confidence rises as a caretaker so I can be prepared for when my precious treasure is entrusted to me. I'm gonna rock the onies someday!

Letter from our Father

This weekend I went to a baby shower for a lady in our church.  The hostess gave a poem as the devotional.  It was just something she found online and printed off on some pretty paper.  The poem is a paraphrase of several verses throughout the Bible.  But they aren't just any verses, they are a dialogue of God's desire and love towards us.  Seeing his words toward us was a very touching moment for me.  We all know verses here and there.  We know the stories.  We know God loves us. But to see these bits and pieces strung together really shows the heart of God in a way that is so beautiful and overwhelming.  I want to say thank you to Ginger for sharing this with me.  It is something I am going to frame for our nursery, and will probably use for future baby gifts for friends.  Ok, ok, here's the poem, I hope it inspires you and opens your eyes in a new way.

 My Child,

You may not know me, but I know everything about you. 

Psalm 139:1 

I know when you sit down and when you rise up.

Psalm 139:2

I am familiar with all your ways.

Psalm 139:3

Even the very hairs on your head are numbered.

Matthew 10:29-31

For you were made in my image.

Genesis 1:27

In me you live and move and have your being.

Acts 17:28

For you are my offspring.

Acts 17:28

I knew you even before you were conceived.

Jeremiah 1:4-5

I chose you when I planned creation.

Ephesians 1:4

You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book.

Psalm 139:15-16

I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live.

Acts 17:26

You are fearfully and wonderfully made.

Psalm 139:14

I knit you together in your mother's womb.

Psalm 139:13

And brought you forth on the day you were born.

Psalm 71:6

I have been misrepresented by those who don't know me.

John 8:41-44

I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love.

1 John 4:16

And it is my desire to lavish my love on you.

1 John 3:1

Simply because you are my child and I am your Father.

1 John 3:1

I offer you more than your earthly father ever could.

Matthew 7:11

For I am the perfect father.

Matthew 5:48

Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand.

James 1:17

For I am your provider and I meet all your needs.

Matthew 6:31-33

My plan for your future has always been filled with hope.

Jeremiah 29:11

Because I love you with an everlasting love.

Jeremiah 31:3

My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore.

Psalms 139:17-18

And I rejoice over you with singing.

Zephaniah 3:17

I will never stop doing good to you.

Jeremiah 32:40

For you are my treasured possession.

Exodus 19:5

I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul.

Jeremiah 32:41

And I want to show you great and marvelous things.

Jeremiah 33:3

If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me.

Deuteronomy 4:29

Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart.

Psalm 37:4

For it is I who gave you those desires.

Philippians 2:13

I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine.

Ephesians 3:20

For I am your greatest encourager.

2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4

When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you.

Psalm 34:18

As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart.

Isaiah 40:11

One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes.

Revelation 21:3-4

And I'll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth.

Revelation 21:3-4

I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus.

John 17:23

For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed.

John 17:26

He is the exact representation of my being.

Hebrews 1:3

He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you.

Romans 8:31

And to tell you that I am not counting your sins.

2 Corinthians 5:18-19

Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled.

2 Corinthians 5:18-19

His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you.

1 John 4:10

I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love.

Romans 8:31-32

If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me. 

1 John 2:23

And nothing will ever separate you from my love again.

Romans 8:38-39

Come home and I'll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen.

Luke 15:7

I have always been Father, and will always be Father.

Ephesians 3:14-15

My question is… Will you be my child?

John 1:12-13

I am waiting for you.

Luke 15:11-32

Love, Your Dad

Almighty God

Profile Done!

Time for another post.  Our lives have been so hectic!  Today, I finally mailed in our profile proof.  Our profile is a 7 page (front and back) booklet that contains our birth mother letter with pictures that let her get to see up a bit more.  I have been working on it for several months and am a little embarrassed it took so long to get done.  I had it close to be completed, but I just didn't feel content with how it turned out.  I didn't like all the pictures I had, or felt I was missing some.  I didn't like the layout, the color, felt it was too simple, etc.  I was stressing myself out about not feeling exactly right about it.  I felt like there was so much pressure to have it perfect.  I finally set it aside so I could come back to it with a fresh mind.  But then life decided to get crazy.  We then had to get ready for Gabe's move as well as having several family visits.  But now that Gabe is sipping Mai Tai's on a beach and I am sweltering in Missouri, I finally had time to sit down and finish my project.  I finished our profile, printed a proof, and mailed it to our agency for their approval and suggestions.  And I feel very comfortable with the profile I created.  It is simple like we are, nothing flashy or over the top.  I have a feeling they are going to say we don't have enough "action shots" (shots of us doing things like playing piano, playing basketball, etc. but it's not a posed picture).  But with Gabe thousand of miles away, they are going have to be ok.  I think it represents us the way we want to be presented to birth-mothers. 

Below I posted the first and last page of our profile.  I would post more, but Gabe doesn't like lots of personal information floating around (me having a blog is a big deal).  But if anyone is interested in seeing the full profile, I can email a copy in PDF form.

*first page of our profile*

Picture 2 glittery green brads on the left side binding the booklet

*last page of our profile*

Now our adoption is out of our hands.  We have done all the steps we can do for now.  It's a waiting game now.  Gabe is getting really antsy, and I'm getting anxious too.  We are so excited and ready for the next step.

Now to clear up one little thing.  Some people are wondering why I didn't go with Gabe when he left for Hawaii.  He is there to train which will be very time consuming, then deploy.  I didn't want to be stuck on an island of people I don't know, alone.  As it turns out, Gabe will be in Hawaii for a month, then will leave for a course in California, and straight on to his deployment.  So even if I was in Hawaii, he wouldn't be there.  It's also a God thing, because Gabe needs to take this course, and I'd rather him take it now than when he gets back from his deployment.  It would be hard for him to come home and adjust to life back home, then leave, then re-adjust.  And honestly, when he gets home I'm not gonna let him leave for a long time.

Homestudy = Complete!

In my last post, I shared how Nebraska lost our clearances and our home study was put on hold.  Well, we almost had another major glitch.  Let me set the background.  When we signed up with the agency to do our home study, they gave us a list of all the documents we needed.  Then we worked with them for over a month.  And they have let us know what documents were outstanding.  For the last 3 weeks, I knew we were only missing some state clearances. Well, last week, they decided out of the blue that they needed a copy of Gabe's adoption decree.  Why? I have no idea.  Maybe to make sure his parents didn't buy him on the black-market?  Well, it just so happens that the day they emailed me was the day Gabe's parents were flying out of Denver to go to the Philippines for a month!  I quickly called Terri, my mother-in-law, and to my relief they were packing.  I asked her if she had the documents and after a few minutes of looking, she found it.  Then, she informed me their scanner may be broken.  I was freaking out at that point.  And with our Nebraska documents getting lost in-transit, I didn't want her to mail such a important document.  But God came through (which shouldn't surprise me at all).  Somehow Bill was able to scan the documents to me that afternoon, which I forwarded to the agency. Crisis averted.

So all that was left was the pesky Nebraska clearances, take 2.  Gabe got back on Friday so we went and got the documents notarized on Monday.  I was all ready to mail the documents then thought I should fax them as well.  I made out a coversheet with my info and faxed it at work.  Only a few minutes later, I get a phone call from the people I sent it (at my work phone which really surprised me).  They said they got my fax, no need to mail the originals, and they would fax it back to our home study agency later that day.  This afternoon our coordinator emailed and said they received it and our home study would be finalized tomorrow!

All these little hiccups are just that: little.  Amazingly, the situation hasn't become overwhelming or too stressful. Everything has worked out pretty smoothly.  Which in my mind affirms that this is what God is wanting us to do.  If this was not his will, his hand wouldn't be on all these hiccup situations and it would be a mess, I'd be stressed out and cranky.  But the timing of everything, especially the situation with Gabe's parents leaving in a matter of hours, has all worked out because God is in control and he is making this all work out.  It's his grace on us and our choice.  What a comfort that is!

So with our home study complete, this makes us eligible for a baby.  No more legal compliance.  Once we are selected, we can bring a baby home.  We can get matched with any birth mother, even one in labor.  Or we could get a phone call that an infant in our area is a match for us.  Those are rare occasions, but it is a possibility.  Which is exciting and slightly terrifying overwhelming.  In a way, I want to have time to prepare and build a relationship with our birth mother.  But with Gabe moving to Hawaii in a little over a month, a quick adoption would be a gracious gift.

Our first hitch

We have been busy, busy.  Things are moving along quite well in some areas, but we have hit a hitch in others.

Our homestudy still isn't complete.  We are still waiting for our Nebraska background check.  We sent it off a month ago, and our homestudy agency still hasn't received it.  Nebraska doesn't keep track of what they have received or sent, so we are going to have to send another request.  Gabe has been gone for 2 weeks for his annual training (enjoying the northern part of the US with all the mosquitos and ticks) so I was just going to forge his signature. But it couldn't be that easy, right.  Nebraska is one of the states that require a notary. So its a waiting game.  I'm hoping that our background checks are just late and will come in this week.  Thankfully, Nebraska is one of the states that didn't charge for the background check.  So at least we aren't out any money, other than 2 postage stamps.

But we had our pictures taken, and they turned out really well.  We were recommended to a couple that does photos by a friend at church.  We chose to go with them because they are a christian couple who have adopted 5 kids, and are currently waiting to adopt their 6th!  The first, they adopted with an agency out of Kansas City that we looked into.  The remaining 5 have all been foster-adoptions and are sibling sets.  It gave us a connection to them and I have really enjoyed getting to know Heidi.  We are very similar in personalities and I am hoping to develop a good friendship with her. 

While Gabe has been gone, I have finished up our birthmother letter and our website is up and running!  I'm hoping things move along quickly, but I am very content with where we are now.  We are working on our profile, but I'm not letting it stress me out.  I'll work on it here and there, but not every day.

And I will leave you with some photos from our photo shoot.  Didn't I marry a studly guy ;)

First Homestudy Interview

On Wednesday we had our first homestudy interview.  I was so nervous about it.  It's weird to have someone pick through your life, giving you the 'ok' to be a parent.  I know that Gabe and I will be some awesome parents, but the thought of someone stamping "veto" on our dreams is scary.  So I went into the interview a bit uptight.

We had found a local christian adoption agency to do our homestudy.  They specialize in international adoption, which is why we didn't go with them for our domestic adoption.  We had to send an application.  Once approved, we filled out a rather length formal application.  Then, we were emailed an extraordinary amount of documents to fill out.  By the time we met for our first interview, most of the documents were done and ready to be turned in (or had been emailed already).

When we started our interview, I was pleasantly surprised to find that the coordinator we had been corresponding with was a young lady not much older than us.  She has a great sense of humor an we were able to laugh and joke around, making the situation and questions not seem so intrusive.  We were asked the basic questions about drug use, psychiatric issues, felonies, etc.  But then we moved into a marital interview.  She asked questions about how we met, what attracted us to the other, how we dealt with conflicts, etc.  Even though we were being quite open with a complete stranger, we were surprisingly at ease and I think it went really well.

Next week, we both have our individual interviews (done separately), and our home walk-thru on Friday after work.  Our adoption agency does not split up sibling groups, and because we see that as important, we are open to an older sibling up to 3 years old.  Because there is a slight possibility we will be blessed with a toddler, we have to have the house somewhat toddler-ready.  That includes locks on cabinets.  I'm not one to want to plan so far ahead.  I mean, it could be 2 years before we have a child in our home.  So baby-proofing the house right now seems silly, but we will do what we have to do.

So, we feel very blessed to be working with great people with Christian principals.  I think it gives us an unspoken bond that makes a stressful situation a little bit more calm.

**Oh, and here is a tid-bit of a fun fact: Missouri law states that for a home study, any firearms must be locked in a safe, with the ammo in a separate safe.  I can kinda see why they do this, but I hope that any burglars give us a 10 second head start.

2 Weeks In

It has been almost 2 weeks since we officially started the adoption process.  It has been a stressful 2 weeks, trying to coordinate documents for both the adoption facilitation center and the home study agency while working (and attending my sister's graduation and gabe's sister's wedding).  But, we have most of the documents turned in, have a temporary profile being shown to interested mothers, and so much more.  It is finally calming down!  Gabe has been great and while I do most of scanning and emailing, he has really pitched in.  I have been surprised by the interest he has shown about the process.  He is excited about having a baby, but to be excited about the paper work and creating a profile has been a surprise to me.

Now we need to create a profile.  A profile is a 750 word birthmother letter that is broken up into parts such as "about us", "shaina", "gabe", "our family", etc.  Each section is put on a color page that has pictures and stuff on it.  It seems like a lot of work, but I'm hoping my scrap booking skills will come into play even though it will be created on the computer.  We also get to include reference letters from family and friends.  We make like 100 of these, and they are given to birthmothers that meet our preferences.

We are halfway through our homestudy.  A homestudy is required by the state and it must be completed and up-to-date before we can bring a child into our home.  So far we have sent out requests from every state we have lived in for them to vouch that we have no child abuse records on file.  We also have been required to get our fingerprints run through the FBI (there goes my fallback plan of bank robbing).  The weird thing about that was that we went to a UPS store for it.  How secure, right?  Right now we are waiting for our actual meetings.  We meet once and will have a marital interview then, we each meet separately, then there is a walk-through of the house.  In the paperwork, it said we had to have a crib so they could approve it.  But since we are going to buy one, we just have to have it picked out so they can say it is safe. 

We also have to get a professional picture taken outside.  I'm excited about this as we haven't had a professional picture taken since our wedding.  A friend of ours from church recommended a couple who are currently in the process of adopting their 6th child!  I'm excited to work with them and to get some nice pictures.

Well, that's a brief rundown of what we have done so far.  I think in a week or two we should be done with all the paperwork and working on the profiles.  And hopefully we will have our homestudy done.  Once that is done, we can apply for grants, interest free loans, and are eligible for a drop-in-the-lap baby! 

It has been amazing the response we have gotten from our friends and family.  Everyone has been so supportive and encouraging.  It means so much to us to have people sharing in our excitement!  Thank you all!

Answers to Questions

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Now that we have blown your minds over choosing to adopt, I know there are lots of questions.  How does it work?  How soon will you have a baby? Etc.  I’m a little overwhelmed right now with paperwork.  SO MUCH PAPERWORK!!   You wouldn’t imagine how much there is to do.  I’m starting to think that this could be a full-time job, just the paperwork and all that is involved. And while none of it has to be done right this second, the sooner it gets done the sooner we adopt. 

We chose to go with a christian facilitation agency.  They work with birthmothers and help them find a family they are comfortable with to raise the baby.  Gabe and I give our preference as what we are comfortable with, and they present our portfolio to birthmothers that meet our criteria, along with other families.  The birthmother then chooses the family she wants to raise her baby. 

One of the main things that attracted me to a facilitation agency is that they care about the birth mother.  As some of you know, Gabe’s sister had her first child at 15 and seriously considered adoption.  She ended up raising her son, but if she had put him up for adoption, I would want the agency she worked with had sincere compassion towards her.  So it only makes sense to look for that quality in an agency we would be using. I want to work with an agency that treats their birthmothers the way I would want my sister to be treated.

We also liked that all the portfolios of birth and adoptive parents had some aspect of Christianity.  All the couples (that I saw) were active in a church, and most birth parents were looking for their child to be raised in a Christian home.  It made me feel that the agency is selective and wants to work with Christian families.  Overall, I just really liked the principal.

We get matched no earlier than 20 weeks.  So once we get matched, things will (hopefully) go quickly.  We could be matched right away, but won’t be able to be matched with a more imminent baby because we don’t have a home-study done.  We have to have a completed home-study to be able to bring a baby home.  So we are working on it.  We could have started there but with Gabe leaving, we wanted to get everything done as soon as possible.

What else?  From what we have been told, most women are looking for an open adoption just because they want that option.  They don’t know how they will feel and don’t want to have that door closed.  So we are open to an open adoption.  But we will be the parents and if the relationship isn’t healthy for the child, we can stop it at anytime – we’re the parents (it’s not a formal contract).  I am hoping we get matched with someone who in a different situation would be good friends with.  If there are visits, the birthmother pays to see us and we meet for dinner or at a theme park or somewhere neutral.  This aspect is hardest on Gabe I think, but I just see it as a very unique opportunity.  It is kinda scary but we will take it a day at a time, and I’m surprisingly excited to see what happens.

Well, that’s it for now.  My mind is on overload after a long day at work.  I hope that answers some questions.

A New Adventure

Oh, where to start? So much has been going on in our lives and finally we are to a place where we are comfortable sharing.

Gabe and I signed a contract with an adoption agency today!  We had always known, even before we got married, that we would adopt, but thought we would adopt an older girl from the Philippines or Brazil when our own children were older (like jr. high age).  But life has a way of being all-around unexpected.  So here we are, making a decision to adopt an infant as our first child.

This blog is going to be a way for us to keep friends and family update.  And for others to get an inside glimpse as what adoption entails.  Growing up, I and didn't have the opportunity to see adoption stories up close.  So adoption is going to be a learning curve for me and my family.  Gabe, on the other hand, was adopted from the Philippines at 12 with his younger sister.  He has 7 siblings, 4 of which are adopted too.  And their family has several friends who have adopted, most internationally.

Making a commitment to adopt has been on our minds for several years.  Two years ago, we actually had a lengthy conference call with an agency, but we weren't ready just yet.  Fast forward 2 years, and the thought of adopting is still scary.  It is expensive and as a woman I worry about finances, even though my husband more than provides for us.  I fear not having the motherly instincts kick in and being overwhelmed and not knowing how to be a mother.   But we decided we needed to step out in faith.  And after signing the papers and writing a big check, I have such a beautiful peace about it all.  No second thoughts.  And I'm so excited to move forward.  Gabe and I have such a strong marriage and we are walking closer to God than we ever had before.  And so far, we are snag free.  I think there have been many opportunities where God could have slammed closed a door, but so far he hasn't.  So I feel we have his blessing and that is comforting.

We also decided to start the process now because Gabe's job is getting unpredictable.  He has orders to be stationed in Hawaii (Yes, I know it's some people's dream place to live.  But I was born in the Midwest and beaches and water don't appeal to me).  He chose this station because he wanted to deploy, and it was the only unit leaving.  He deploys in December and will be gone 6-8 months on a non-combat deployment.  This give us the opportunity to have increased income which will help offset the costs we will see.  I will stay in Missouri until he gets back, which gives us over a year to adopt without having to go through a 2nd homestudy.  Also, I have friends and an AMAZING church family that I want share this experience with.  While Hawaii maybe nice, who wants to live there alone?

So that's a quick run-down on us.  As you can see, we have alot on our plates from starting a family to a MAJOR move in a year.  But it is exciting and we treat it all as an adventure.  God has blessed us and we can feel his hand on our lives, keeping us together when major stresses from the marine corps could pull us apart.  But we covet your prayers as we step out into the unknown.