First Homestudy Interview

On Wednesday we had our first homestudy interview.  I was so nervous about it.  It's weird to have someone pick through your life, giving you the 'ok' to be a parent.  I know that Gabe and I will be some awesome parents, but the thought of someone stamping "veto" on our dreams is scary.  So I went into the interview a bit uptight.

We had found a local christian adoption agency to do our homestudy.  They specialize in international adoption, which is why we didn't go with them for our domestic adoption.  We had to send an application.  Once approved, we filled out a rather length formal application.  Then, we were emailed an extraordinary amount of documents to fill out.  By the time we met for our first interview, most of the documents were done and ready to be turned in (or had been emailed already).

When we started our interview, I was pleasantly surprised to find that the coordinator we had been corresponding with was a young lady not much older than us.  She has a great sense of humor an we were able to laugh and joke around, making the situation and questions not seem so intrusive.  We were asked the basic questions about drug use, psychiatric issues, felonies, etc.  But then we moved into a marital interview.  She asked questions about how we met, what attracted us to the other, how we dealt with conflicts, etc.  Even though we were being quite open with a complete stranger, we were surprisingly at ease and I think it went really well.

Next week, we both have our individual interviews (done separately), and our home walk-thru on Friday after work.  Our adoption agency does not split up sibling groups, and because we see that as important, we are open to an older sibling up to 3 years old.  Because there is a slight possibility we will be blessed with a toddler, we have to have the house somewhat toddler-ready.  That includes locks on cabinets.  I'm not one to want to plan so far ahead.  I mean, it could be 2 years before we have a child in our home.  So baby-proofing the house right now seems silly, but we will do what we have to do.

So, we feel very blessed to be working with great people with Christian principals.  I think it gives us an unspoken bond that makes a stressful situation a little bit more calm.

**Oh, and here is a tid-bit of a fun fact: Missouri law states that for a home study, any firearms must be locked in a safe, with the ammo in a separate safe.  I can kinda see why they do this, but I hope that any burglars give us a 10 second head start.

2 Weeks In

It has been almost 2 weeks since we officially started the adoption process.  It has been a stressful 2 weeks, trying to coordinate documents for both the adoption facilitation center and the home study agency while working (and attending my sister's graduation and gabe's sister's wedding).  But, we have most of the documents turned in, have a temporary profile being shown to interested mothers, and so much more.  It is finally calming down!  Gabe has been great and while I do most of scanning and emailing, he has really pitched in.  I have been surprised by the interest he has shown about the process.  He is excited about having a baby, but to be excited about the paper work and creating a profile has been a surprise to me.

Now we need to create a profile.  A profile is a 750 word birthmother letter that is broken up into parts such as "about us", "shaina", "gabe", "our family", etc.  Each section is put on a color page that has pictures and stuff on it.  It seems like a lot of work, but I'm hoping my scrap booking skills will come into play even though it will be created on the computer.  We also get to include reference letters from family and friends.  We make like 100 of these, and they are given to birthmothers that meet our preferences.

We are halfway through our homestudy.  A homestudy is required by the state and it must be completed and up-to-date before we can bring a child into our home.  So far we have sent out requests from every state we have lived in for them to vouch that we have no child abuse records on file.  We also have been required to get our fingerprints run through the FBI (there goes my fallback plan of bank robbing).  The weird thing about that was that we went to a UPS store for it.  How secure, right?  Right now we are waiting for our actual meetings.  We meet once and will have a marital interview then, we each meet separately, then there is a walk-through of the house.  In the paperwork, it said we had to have a crib so they could approve it.  But since we are going to buy one, we just have to have it picked out so they can say it is safe. 

We also have to get a professional picture taken outside.  I'm excited about this as we haven't had a professional picture taken since our wedding.  A friend of ours from church recommended a couple who are currently in the process of adopting their 6th child!  I'm excited to work with them and to get some nice pictures.

Well, that's a brief rundown of what we have done so far.  I think in a week or two we should be done with all the paperwork and working on the profiles.  And hopefully we will have our homestudy done.  Once that is done, we can apply for grants, interest free loans, and are eligible for a drop-in-the-lap baby! 

It has been amazing the response we have gotten from our friends and family.  Everyone has been so supportive and encouraging.  It means so much to us to have people sharing in our excitement!  Thank you all!

Answers to Questions

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Now that we have blown your minds over choosing to adopt, I know there are lots of questions.  How does it work?  How soon will you have a baby? Etc.  I’m a little overwhelmed right now with paperwork.  SO MUCH PAPERWORK!!   You wouldn’t imagine how much there is to do.  I’m starting to think that this could be a full-time job, just the paperwork and all that is involved. And while none of it has to be done right this second, the sooner it gets done the sooner we adopt. 

We chose to go with a christian facilitation agency.  They work with birthmothers and help them find a family they are comfortable with to raise the baby.  Gabe and I give our preference as what we are comfortable with, and they present our portfolio to birthmothers that meet our criteria, along with other families.  The birthmother then chooses the family she wants to raise her baby. 

One of the main things that attracted me to a facilitation agency is that they care about the birth mother.  As some of you know, Gabe’s sister had her first child at 15 and seriously considered adoption.  She ended up raising her son, but if she had put him up for adoption, I would want the agency she worked with had sincere compassion towards her.  So it only makes sense to look for that quality in an agency we would be using. I want to work with an agency that treats their birthmothers the way I would want my sister to be treated.

We also liked that all the portfolios of birth and adoptive parents had some aspect of Christianity.  All the couples (that I saw) were active in a church, and most birth parents were looking for their child to be raised in a Christian home.  It made me feel that the agency is selective and wants to work with Christian families.  Overall, I just really liked the principal.

We get matched no earlier than 20 weeks.  So once we get matched, things will (hopefully) go quickly.  We could be matched right away, but won’t be able to be matched with a more imminent baby because we don’t have a home-study done.  We have to have a completed home-study to be able to bring a baby home.  So we are working on it.  We could have started there but with Gabe leaving, we wanted to get everything done as soon as possible.

What else?  From what we have been told, most women are looking for an open adoption just because they want that option.  They don’t know how they will feel and don’t want to have that door closed.  So we are open to an open adoption.  But we will be the parents and if the relationship isn’t healthy for the child, we can stop it at anytime – we’re the parents (it’s not a formal contract).  I am hoping we get matched with someone who in a different situation would be good friends with.  If there are visits, the birthmother pays to see us and we meet for dinner or at a theme park or somewhere neutral.  This aspect is hardest on Gabe I think, but I just see it as a very unique opportunity.  It is kinda scary but we will take it a day at a time, and I’m surprisingly excited to see what happens.

Well, that’s it for now.  My mind is on overload after a long day at work.  I hope that answers some questions.

A New Adventure

Oh, where to start? So much has been going on in our lives and finally we are to a place where we are comfortable sharing.

Gabe and I signed a contract with an adoption agency today!  We had always known, even before we got married, that we would adopt, but thought we would adopt an older girl from the Philippines or Brazil when our own children were older (like jr. high age).  But life has a way of being all-around unexpected.  So here we are, making a decision to adopt an infant as our first child.

This blog is going to be a way for us to keep friends and family update.  And for others to get an inside glimpse as what adoption entails.  Growing up, I and didn't have the opportunity to see adoption stories up close.  So adoption is going to be a learning curve for me and my family.  Gabe, on the other hand, was adopted from the Philippines at 12 with his younger sister.  He has 7 siblings, 4 of which are adopted too.  And their family has several friends who have adopted, most internationally.

Making a commitment to adopt has been on our minds for several years.  Two years ago, we actually had a lengthy conference call with an agency, but we weren't ready just yet.  Fast forward 2 years, and the thought of adopting is still scary.  It is expensive and as a woman I worry about finances, even though my husband more than provides for us.  I fear not having the motherly instincts kick in and being overwhelmed and not knowing how to be a mother.   But we decided we needed to step out in faith.  And after signing the papers and writing a big check, I have such a beautiful peace about it all.  No second thoughts.  And I'm so excited to move forward.  Gabe and I have such a strong marriage and we are walking closer to God than we ever had before.  And so far, we are snag free.  I think there have been many opportunities where God could have slammed closed a door, but so far he hasn't.  So I feel we have his blessing and that is comforting.

We also decided to start the process now because Gabe's job is getting unpredictable.  He has orders to be stationed in Hawaii (Yes, I know it's some people's dream place to live.  But I was born in the Midwest and beaches and water don't appeal to me).  He chose this station because he wanted to deploy, and it was the only unit leaving.  He deploys in December and will be gone 6-8 months on a non-combat deployment.  This give us the opportunity to have increased income which will help offset the costs we will see.  I will stay in Missouri until he gets back, which gives us over a year to adopt without having to go through a 2nd homestudy.  Also, I have friends and an AMAZING church family that I want share this experience with.  While Hawaii maybe nice, who wants to live there alone?

So that's a quick run-down on us.  As you can see, we have alot on our plates from starting a family to a MAJOR move in a year.  But it is exciting and we treat it all as an adventure.  God has blessed us and we can feel his hand on our lives, keeping us together when major stresses from the marine corps could pull us apart.  But we covet your prayers as we step out into the unknown.