Friday was suppose to be baby day. But the time it took to prep the birthmom's body before the pitocin turned into Saturday. We had been getting updates from the birthmother until the labor started. I had a fear they weren't ready to let the baby go, but because everything was going smoothly, I tried to focus on how faithful God had been. The updates I was getting weren't super detailed, but they contained promised to keep me in the loop. When I stopped receiving updates, I gently asked for them and got no response. Knowing they were probably in labor, I tried to be sensitive and not crowed them. Finally I called our agency and told them I hadn't heard anything. They did some checking and told me the baby had been born sometime Saturday but the birthparents weren't responding to texts or calls. I went into shock. I didn't know if they had changed their minds, or if they were saying their goodbyes, or if there was a miscommunication and they assumed I was at the hospital and that the baby was laying alone in the nursery. I went to bed not knowing, but in my heart, I knew it was over. Then early this morning I got the confirmation that they were keeping the baby.
Gabe and I both find it hard to be bitter towards the birthparents. I think they were genuine in their plan and they received nothing from us or the adoption agency. They are a great couple, and I'm sure the baby will grow up in a loving home. We struggle with the lack of communication that took place especially because we had such a candid open relationship already established. And there should have been more communication between the hospital and our agency (I should not have been the main point of contact during the whole ordeal). But the birth mom did text me to apologize and let me know they didn't plan for it to happen, as well as contacting our agency. I responded that while we wish she had felt she could have let us know sooner, we didn't hold any ill well towards her and we wished her the best. And we will just leave it at that.
I struggle with the feelings that come from being open and sharing our lives with people. Everyone around us gets to have the joy of making birth announcements, of posting pictures, of sharing their life's joys with others. We lived the first 2 years of our journey in fear of sharing with others because it was so personal. When we made the leap of faith to start adoption, sharing our news was such a healing moment in a way and I decided to let people in so our struggles weren't in vain; that someone else could hear our story and it could help them move forward in a positive way. And we knew that God would use it to bring glory to him. That's all we wanted. So with our openness blowing up in our face, I feel that the bubbly, open personality I have appears as immaturity and naive. I know that's not the case, but I still worry about it. That I will become that silly woman people gossip about. And I hate drama, and I feel that my life has burst into a big ball of it.
Right now, Gabe and I are both heartbroken and am struggling with the distance between us and the inability to support each other as much as we want to. I think we are both going to unplug for a bit to heal. We have decided to become hermits from the world for a bit, but I think 2 people being hermits together defy the definition of a hermit. I can't express how exhausted we are in our journey to create a family, and we don't know where we go from here. Our heads know God's truths, but our hearts hold so many questions.
Sunday, August 31, 2014
Friday, August 29, 2014
Birth Day (Hopefully)!
If I thought the first half of the week was crazy, the last few days have been insane! But God continues to show that this whole situation is in his hands.
I woke up Wednesday and was going to call the bank that holds our adoption loan. The previous night, I applied for a 2nd loan to cover attorney costs, but didn't know if it had been approved. I had been up for half and hour and was just sitting down with my computer to contact the bank. My phone rang and it was a loan officer. She informed me that instead of taking out a 2nd loan with a second payment and interest rate, we could modify our existing loan and just add the funds to that. Perfect! And it gets even better: Our monthly payment is only going to increase $1 a month. I had been so worried about being able to get funds quickly, but it was such a smooth start to my morning. And especially after meeting the birthparents the night before, it was such a gift that God continued to show me that even in my apprehension, he has this whole situation covered. It really allowed me to release my anxiety.
I spent the rest of the day contacting our homestudy provider to make sure our homestudy would be ready (and it is!!). I contacted the lawyer and everything is working out smoothly with her. And I contacted a lady from our new life church group whose husband is a firefighter. She arranged for me to stop by the firehouse to have him check the car seat. They don't do certifications here, but it just felt good to have someone, especially a 2 time dad, check it out. I also made a special trip to purchase a small August birthstone necklace for our birth mother. A spa gift card seems so cheap and fleeting compared to the lifelong gift she is giving me. I wanted something subtle, and something that wouldn't generate everyone asking about it....I don't want strangers constantly bringing up a painful moment in her, which could cause her to focus on that moment as something that defines her (it doesn't).
Mid afternoon, I decided I needed a break and headed over to a friend's house to hang out for a bit. This friend is a mom to 2 adorable boys, and her husband works with Gabe and is in Japan with him. She is lending me a moby wrap and showed me how to use it. While we were hanging out, Gabe's mom texted me that her flight out of LAX was turned back after an hour and had an emergency landing due to the radios quitting over the ocean. So her flight would be delayed 3 hours. Shortly after that, the birthmom called to let me know that the maternity ward was full, so the induction was pushed back a day (she has been great with keeping me in the loop). While this delay made my emotions yo-yo up and down again, it kinda was a God thing. Gabe's mom came in late and we got to bed super late. But it was nice to be able to sleep in and spend yesterday running Shaina errands (buying groceries, a chiropractor appt, mailing documents to the lawyer, etc). We also both got a nap in and spent the day enjoying each other's company and not so focused on the baby. And a day delay means that it will be Saturday in Japan, so Gabe should have the whole day off!
So today is birth day! The birth parents have been great with keeping me in the loop. And they seem excited when we talk....like they are excited for me. Jensen probably won't make his appearance until late tonight, but hopefully he will be here by midnight. I'm not quite sure what will happen at the hospital, and we'll just go with the flow. If Jensen is born super late, consent forms probably won't be signed until Saturday morning. That makes me a little anxious, but I'm giving it to God. If the birthparents are going to change their mind, I'd rather it happen now and not 4 months down the road. But I feel confident and am not going to spend this beautiful day worrying about the what-ifs in life.
I woke up Wednesday and was going to call the bank that holds our adoption loan. The previous night, I applied for a 2nd loan to cover attorney costs, but didn't know if it had been approved. I had been up for half and hour and was just sitting down with my computer to contact the bank. My phone rang and it was a loan officer. She informed me that instead of taking out a 2nd loan with a second payment and interest rate, we could modify our existing loan and just add the funds to that. Perfect! And it gets even better: Our monthly payment is only going to increase $1 a month. I had been so worried about being able to get funds quickly, but it was such a smooth start to my morning. And especially after meeting the birthparents the night before, it was such a gift that God continued to show me that even in my apprehension, he has this whole situation covered. It really allowed me to release my anxiety.
I spent the rest of the day contacting our homestudy provider to make sure our homestudy would be ready (and it is!!). I contacted the lawyer and everything is working out smoothly with her. And I contacted a lady from our new life church group whose husband is a firefighter. She arranged for me to stop by the firehouse to have him check the car seat. They don't do certifications here, but it just felt good to have someone, especially a 2 time dad, check it out. I also made a special trip to purchase a small August birthstone necklace for our birth mother. A spa gift card seems so cheap and fleeting compared to the lifelong gift she is giving me. I wanted something subtle, and something that wouldn't generate everyone asking about it....I don't want strangers constantly bringing up a painful moment in her, which could cause her to focus on that moment as something that defines her (it doesn't).
Mid afternoon, I decided I needed a break and headed over to a friend's house to hang out for a bit. This friend is a mom to 2 adorable boys, and her husband works with Gabe and is in Japan with him. She is lending me a moby wrap and showed me how to use it. While we were hanging out, Gabe's mom texted me that her flight out of LAX was turned back after an hour and had an emergency landing due to the radios quitting over the ocean. So her flight would be delayed 3 hours. Shortly after that, the birthmom called to let me know that the maternity ward was full, so the induction was pushed back a day (she has been great with keeping me in the loop). While this delay made my emotions yo-yo up and down again, it kinda was a God thing. Gabe's mom came in late and we got to bed super late. But it was nice to be able to sleep in and spend yesterday running Shaina errands (buying groceries, a chiropractor appt, mailing documents to the lawyer, etc). We also both got a nap in and spent the day enjoying each other's company and not so focused on the baby. And a day delay means that it will be Saturday in Japan, so Gabe should have the whole day off!
So today is birth day! The birth parents have been great with keeping me in the loop. And they seem excited when we talk....like they are excited for me. Jensen probably won't make his appearance until late tonight, but hopefully he will be here by midnight. I'm not quite sure what will happen at the hospital, and we'll just go with the flow. If Jensen is born super late, consent forms probably won't be signed until Saturday morning. That makes me a little anxious, but I'm giving it to God. If the birthparents are going to change their mind, I'd rather it happen now and not 4 months down the road. But I feel confident and am not going to spend this beautiful day worrying about the what-ifs in life.
Wednesday, August 27, 2014
T-2 Days...Eek!
(Written last night....internet pooped out and would't let me post)
Today was a crazy day! It started as my last day of work. As I left it, I am taking an indefinite leave of absence. Since my job was a temp job, my boss is unsure if she wants to fill it until I get back, not re-staff the position, or fill it and potentially hire the new temp. As we left it, she is going to do what she needs, and if I decide to get back in the workforce, I'll give her a call to see if she has a position for me. And if I decide to come back, we can cut my hours down to 20 a week, which would be about 6 hours a day for 3 days. It might sound complicated, but I feel good about it. I can make up my mind when I cross that bridge without having to worry about anyone else relying on me. My boss has been surprisingly understanding of the situation, especially today when I told her it would be my last day instead of Friday like we originally agreed.
I also spent the day trying to figure out what we are doing legally. It turns out, there is like 1 lawyer in Honolulu that does live birth adoptions. Most family law firms do adoptions such as foster adoption or married spouses adopting each other's children. I guess a live birth adoption is special due to termination of the parental rights?? I'm not quite sure I understand it. But the lawyers who can do the duties are limited. As to what a lawyer does, I'm still not sure. She is retained by us and kinda represents us. But it's not so much representation as it is getting all the paperwork through the court system. Hawaii law says that once the parents sign a consent/termination paper, and I step up and show I am acting as a parent would, the consent is irrevocable right away. This is great because it means the court would be in our favor should the birthparents change their mind in a week. So tomorrow, my goal is to meet with the lawyer and get everything taken care of.
I met with the birthparents tonight. I was so nervous to meet them, to see what they look like. I was so surprised. Any worried of having an ugly baby are gone! I'll just say that Jensen isn't going to be a basketball player. We sat in Starbucks and talked for 2 hours. I learned more about them, we talked about the baby and everything that is upcoming, and we talked boundaries and fears. I felt so calm talking with them. We all feel we have a comfortable relationship, a good foundation that will hopefully lead to relaxed visits if we choose to go that route. Halfway through our conversation, Gabe FaceTimed me from Japan, so he got to talk with them for a few minutes, so that was really special.
Talking with the birth parents, I found out that the birth mother had been really tired for a while and super thirsty. She went in for a routine dr. appointment and at the last minute they took an unplanned ultrasound, which lead to the discovery the fluid was low. Another God thing. As it looks right now, she is going to the hospital tomorrow evening to start on fluids, and will be induced Thursday morning. I think the baby will be right at 37 weeks and it didn't sound like the doctors were too worried about it. They will keep me updated and let me know when I need to head to the hospital. But because she is only dilated 1cm, we are all aware that it could be a long process. I offered to bring food and sit with the birth mother if the birth father needs to step out for a break, so we will see what happens. I left it as they can make the first move as to how active they want me. I know it's an intimate movement for them too and I don't want to crowd them, hovering over ready to scoop up my baby.
There are definitely some fears that the birthparents aren't ready to say goodbye. They seem so normal, sooooo similar to Gabe and I. They seem so perfect in so many ways. So it's hard to understand the decision they are making. I have been really anxious about it all night. But I keep looking at all the God things, how he is weaving this intricate story. It seems like he is going through alot of work to have it all fall through at the last minute. So that's what I try to hold onto.
Today was a crazy day! It started as my last day of work. As I left it, I am taking an indefinite leave of absence. Since my job was a temp job, my boss is unsure if she wants to fill it until I get back, not re-staff the position, or fill it and potentially hire the new temp. As we left it, she is going to do what she needs, and if I decide to get back in the workforce, I'll give her a call to see if she has a position for me. And if I decide to come back, we can cut my hours down to 20 a week, which would be about 6 hours a day for 3 days. It might sound complicated, but I feel good about it. I can make up my mind when I cross that bridge without having to worry about anyone else relying on me. My boss has been surprisingly understanding of the situation, especially today when I told her it would be my last day instead of Friday like we originally agreed.
I also spent the day trying to figure out what we are doing legally. It turns out, there is like 1 lawyer in Honolulu that does live birth adoptions. Most family law firms do adoptions such as foster adoption or married spouses adopting each other's children. I guess a live birth adoption is special due to termination of the parental rights?? I'm not quite sure I understand it. But the lawyers who can do the duties are limited. As to what a lawyer does, I'm still not sure. She is retained by us and kinda represents us. But it's not so much representation as it is getting all the paperwork through the court system. Hawaii law says that once the parents sign a consent/termination paper, and I step up and show I am acting as a parent would, the consent is irrevocable right away. This is great because it means the court would be in our favor should the birthparents change their mind in a week. So tomorrow, my goal is to meet with the lawyer and get everything taken care of.
I met with the birthparents tonight. I was so nervous to meet them, to see what they look like. I was so surprised. Any worried of having an ugly baby are gone! I'll just say that Jensen isn't going to be a basketball player. We sat in Starbucks and talked for 2 hours. I learned more about them, we talked about the baby and everything that is upcoming, and we talked boundaries and fears. I felt so calm talking with them. We all feel we have a comfortable relationship, a good foundation that will hopefully lead to relaxed visits if we choose to go that route. Halfway through our conversation, Gabe FaceTimed me from Japan, so he got to talk with them for a few minutes, so that was really special.
Talking with the birth parents, I found out that the birth mother had been really tired for a while and super thirsty. She went in for a routine dr. appointment and at the last minute they took an unplanned ultrasound, which lead to the discovery the fluid was low. Another God thing. As it looks right now, she is going to the hospital tomorrow evening to start on fluids, and will be induced Thursday morning. I think the baby will be right at 37 weeks and it didn't sound like the doctors were too worried about it. They will keep me updated and let me know when I need to head to the hospital. But because she is only dilated 1cm, we are all aware that it could be a long process. I offered to bring food and sit with the birth mother if the birth father needs to step out for a break, so we will see what happens. I left it as they can make the first move as to how active they want me. I know it's an intimate movement for them too and I don't want to crowd them, hovering over ready to scoop up my baby.
There are definitely some fears that the birthparents aren't ready to say goodbye. They seem so normal, sooooo similar to Gabe and I. They seem so perfect in so many ways. So it's hard to understand the decision they are making. I have been really anxious about it all night. But I keep looking at all the God things, how he is weaving this intricate story. It seems like he is going through alot of work to have it all fall through at the last minute. So that's what I try to hold onto.
Sunday, August 24, 2014
Post-Match Weekend Madness
As I sit here, I am completely exhausted. The emotions this past week have been surreal. All the waiting, all the joy, all the support and love...it's tangible grace on steriods!
My last post, I wrote it earlier than it was posted. I wanted it ready for our big announcement. But I had to wait almost a full week from knowing we were pretty much matched to having that confirmation. It about killed me! But God placed in my life this wonderful man who can read me better that anyone else, and he calmly had us pray when the emotions got too much. (Thank you Lord for such a man as Gabe!)
My weekend has been ridiculous! On Saturday, I dropped Gabe off at 5am for his flight to Japan. I went home and got a few hours sleep, then called my mom as I was getting ready for the day. While on the phone with her, an email popped up on my phone saying we had a confirmed match! It was so cool to share that moment with her, especially since otherwise I would have been alone. And I didn't waste anytime. I had my profile picture changed in less than a minute, followed quickly by the blog post! I couldn't wait any longer, 6 days was long enough for me. The emotions and phone calls to people quickly became overwhelming, but I was told the birthparents would call me that day, so I cancelled all my plans and stayed home. They never called, but I got the best sleep I've had in a week.
Sunday, I went to church. After the service, I asked the pastor to introduce me to some of the ladies in the church (all I knew were some guys from the softball team Gabe and I have been participating in). Pastor Brad introduced me to one gal, who introduced me to 2 more. They were all part of a couple's group that meets every other Sunday night. Gabe and I have been meaning to attend, but the softball games have been conflicting.
After church, I went with a Marine wife to Babies R Us to finish my registry. Her husband works with Gabe and is gone to Japan too. She is a Christian and has 2 boys. We had a great time getting to know each other more. As we were checking out with a few essential items for a diaper bag, I got an email saying the stroller/car seat Gabe had his heart set on was going to be discontinued. I knew they had one in the store because I had been debating buying it. I quickly got it and we left.
About 2 hours after getting home from shopping, our birthparents called. They opened the conversation saying, "We have some news for you but don't freak out....." Amazingly, God put his had of calmness on me and I didn't start freaking out. They told me they had been to the dr. that week and her amneotic fluid was low. She has quit her job, and is on bed rest (ish), while drinking fluids. They wanted to tell me the baby could be here a week from tomorrow (Monday). They didn't want me to freak out about not being prepared and because it was all happening so quickly. In my mind, I'm thinking, "Ok, this is fast but let's go! I've waited long enough!"I think they were scared I was going to bail ship on them. They have another dr. appointment tomorrow to see if there has been improvement. I'm not sure if the dr. is thinking induced labor or c-section or what. Right now JJ is measuring at 36-37 weeks and is 6lbs. So the dr. is not wanting to go past 38 weeks. Hearing all this is scary, but Gabe's sister had both her girls super early and they were 100% healthy, even at under 5lbs. The birthmother is short at 5'2", so I'm not too worried about it. And, with the baby coming early, that could be the answer to our trip home for the wedding, given Gabe still is given time off work and the baby is healthy.
My talk with the birthparents was again amazing. I am blown away by their maturity of the situation and their ability to see it from our view as well. They made it clear that we are the mother and father, and that they will abide by our boundaries. I didn't have to tell them, they already knew and expected it. I'm assuming adoption can be messy with boundaries and stuff, but I feel like we have the perfect couple to face it with. They are respectful, insightful, and they just get it. If we are to go through this, I'm glad it's with them. It's a best case scenario. So much better than I expected, especially after learning they are married. SUCH an answer to prayer.
After that phone call, I rushed off to the couple's group. 5 couples from our church, all with kids. They were so welcoming and made me feel comfortable which I appreciated, especially without my buffer Gabe to hide behind. They were all interested in the adoption want to be there for me. Most are military but different branches, and one is a fire fighter. I can just see myself clicking with the group and fitting in. The hostess has a 4 month old daughter and started giving me stuff to get by like a rock and sleep and a sling and stuff. I was overwhelmed again by God's provision and guidance. To have total strangers come along side me because we are all family because we are God's family, it's pretty cool to witness. I feel a bit guilty being the new one in the group and coming in with such immediate needs, but I guess that's life. But another answer to prayer to find a mommy jackpot and see their desire to help if/when needed.
God is still providing. I've overwhelmed by the provision in so many different ways and areas of my life. I almost want him to hit the pause button because mentally I can't take anymore! I feel so undeserving of it all, but am so thankful the dark valleys weren't for nothing.
Thanks to everyone for the love and support. I am so blessed to have so many friends and family all over the world. I have a beautiful life and an big part has to do with you guys.
My cup runnth over.
My last post, I wrote it earlier than it was posted. I wanted it ready for our big announcement. But I had to wait almost a full week from knowing we were pretty much matched to having that confirmation. It about killed me! But God placed in my life this wonderful man who can read me better that anyone else, and he calmly had us pray when the emotions got too much. (Thank you Lord for such a man as Gabe!)
My weekend has been ridiculous! On Saturday, I dropped Gabe off at 5am for his flight to Japan. I went home and got a few hours sleep, then called my mom as I was getting ready for the day. While on the phone with her, an email popped up on my phone saying we had a confirmed match! It was so cool to share that moment with her, especially since otherwise I would have been alone. And I didn't waste anytime. I had my profile picture changed in less than a minute, followed quickly by the blog post! I couldn't wait any longer, 6 days was long enough for me. The emotions and phone calls to people quickly became overwhelming, but I was told the birthparents would call me that day, so I cancelled all my plans and stayed home. They never called, but I got the best sleep I've had in a week.
Sunday, I went to church. After the service, I asked the pastor to introduce me to some of the ladies in the church (all I knew were some guys from the softball team Gabe and I have been participating in). Pastor Brad introduced me to one gal, who introduced me to 2 more. They were all part of a couple's group that meets every other Sunday night. Gabe and I have been meaning to attend, but the softball games have been conflicting.
After church, I went with a Marine wife to Babies R Us to finish my registry. Her husband works with Gabe and is gone to Japan too. She is a Christian and has 2 boys. We had a great time getting to know each other more. As we were checking out with a few essential items for a diaper bag, I got an email saying the stroller/car seat Gabe had his heart set on was going to be discontinued. I knew they had one in the store because I had been debating buying it. I quickly got it and we left.
About 2 hours after getting home from shopping, our birthparents called. They opened the conversation saying, "We have some news for you but don't freak out....." Amazingly, God put his had of calmness on me and I didn't start freaking out. They told me they had been to the dr. that week and her amneotic fluid was low. She has quit her job, and is on bed rest (ish), while drinking fluids. They wanted to tell me the baby could be here a week from tomorrow (Monday). They didn't want me to freak out about not being prepared and because it was all happening so quickly. In my mind, I'm thinking, "Ok, this is fast but let's go! I've waited long enough!"I think they were scared I was going to bail ship on them. They have another dr. appointment tomorrow to see if there has been improvement. I'm not sure if the dr. is thinking induced labor or c-section or what. Right now JJ is measuring at 36-37 weeks and is 6lbs. So the dr. is not wanting to go past 38 weeks. Hearing all this is scary, but Gabe's sister had both her girls super early and they were 100% healthy, even at under 5lbs. The birthmother is short at 5'2", so I'm not too worried about it. And, with the baby coming early, that could be the answer to our trip home for the wedding, given Gabe still is given time off work and the baby is healthy.
My talk with the birthparents was again amazing. I am blown away by their maturity of the situation and their ability to see it from our view as well. They made it clear that we are the mother and father, and that they will abide by our boundaries. I didn't have to tell them, they already knew and expected it. I'm assuming adoption can be messy with boundaries and stuff, but I feel like we have the perfect couple to face it with. They are respectful, insightful, and they just get it. If we are to go through this, I'm glad it's with them. It's a best case scenario. So much better than I expected, especially after learning they are married. SUCH an answer to prayer.
After that phone call, I rushed off to the couple's group. 5 couples from our church, all with kids. They were so welcoming and made me feel comfortable which I appreciated, especially without my buffer Gabe to hide behind. They were all interested in the adoption want to be there for me. Most are military but different branches, and one is a fire fighter. I can just see myself clicking with the group and fitting in. The hostess has a 4 month old daughter and started giving me stuff to get by like a rock and sleep and a sling and stuff. I was overwhelmed again by God's provision and guidance. To have total strangers come along side me because we are all family because we are God's family, it's pretty cool to witness. I feel a bit guilty being the new one in the group and coming in with such immediate needs, but I guess that's life. But another answer to prayer to find a mommy jackpot and see their desire to help if/when needed.
God is still providing. I've overwhelmed by the provision in so many different ways and areas of my life. I almost want him to hit the pause button because mentally I can't take anymore! I feel so undeserving of it all, but am so thankful the dark valleys weren't for nothing.
Thanks to everyone for the love and support. I am so blessed to have so many friends and family all over the world. I have a beautiful life and an big part has to do with you guys.
My cup runnth over.
Saturday, August 23, 2014
Finally, The Downward Slope
About 2 1/2 weeks ago, I was feeling discouraged about our adoption. We've been signed up for a year and a half and no one had expressed interest in us. I had spent the weekend updating our birthmother letter and website to show we had moved from Missouri to Hawaii. I spent the morning praying and expressing my discouragement to God, just feeling exhausted with how long we have been just waiting. I went to my computer and was surprised to find a message in my inbox from our agency. A birth mother coordinator had written us that a family wanted to learn more about us!
Over the course of the next few days, I learned more about the birthparents and answered some of their questions via email (all through the coordinator). Few days later we set up a time for the 4 of us to talk on the phone. We talked for an hour and it was amazing. The first thing they wanted to know was if we saw marriage as a life-long commitment. Then they wanted to know how our marriage was, and it went from there. They are very similar to Gabe and myself and talking to them didn't feel awkward at all. We actually didn't discuss the baby very much. Mostly, we answered questions, asked a few, and just got to know each other. The birth parents are very educated, articulate and you can hear the love they have for their baby.
After the phone conversation, we didn't hear anything for over a week. We started to doubt ourselves and play the 'what-if' game. We handled it pretty well, but the feeling of not knowing was heavy. Do we start prepping for a baby? If so, how far do we go? We didn't want to go all in and look like fools if it didn't work out. Finally, we took an evening out to get away from distractions and focus on each other. We found a quiet Thai restaurant and we talked. I finally came to the realization that this baby is God's, regardless of who raises him. So we just gave him to the Lord and let go of the illusion of control. And yes, it is an illusion.
Monday morning we got a email from our coordinator saying the birth mother agreed to move forward with us! So, I can officially say that we are having a baby boy!
God's hand has been so heavy in all of this. Here is a recap of his sovereignty.
Thanks to everyone who has prayed for us and shared in this journey. It has been an emotional few weeks. The past few years have seemed like such a long trail, but the downward slope has us at a run. I am glad I won't have lots of time to plan because I can get too wrapped up in the planning and it can overwhelm me. And besides, I've done enough waiting, right? Continue to pray as nothing is concrete until the baby is born, so there is always a chance they could change their mind. We just want God's will in the situation to be done regardless of the outcome, so pray for protection over our hearts. Also, please pray for the birth parents as it has to be a difficult time. They seem like a beautiful couple and we want nothing but the best for them.
Over the course of the next few days, I learned more about the birthparents and answered some of their questions via email (all through the coordinator). Few days later we set up a time for the 4 of us to talk on the phone. We talked for an hour and it was amazing. The first thing they wanted to know was if we saw marriage as a life-long commitment. Then they wanted to know how our marriage was, and it went from there. They are very similar to Gabe and myself and talking to them didn't feel awkward at all. We actually didn't discuss the baby very much. Mostly, we answered questions, asked a few, and just got to know each other. The birth parents are very educated, articulate and you can hear the love they have for their baby.
After the phone conversation, we didn't hear anything for over a week. We started to doubt ourselves and play the 'what-if' game. We handled it pretty well, but the feeling of not knowing was heavy. Do we start prepping for a baby? If so, how far do we go? We didn't want to go all in and look like fools if it didn't work out. Finally, we took an evening out to get away from distractions and focus on each other. We found a quiet Thai restaurant and we talked. I finally came to the realization that this baby is God's, regardless of who raises him. So we just gave him to the Lord and let go of the illusion of control. And yes, it is an illusion.
Monday morning we got a email from our coordinator saying the birth mother agreed to move forward with us! So, I can officially say that we are having a baby boy!
 |
| Yes, that does say Sept 18, as in less than a month away! |
God's hand has been so heavy in all of this. Here is a recap of his sovereignty.
- Birth parents live 10 minutes away from us. This means the baby can come straight into our house after discharge from the hospital. It also means we don't have to travel to and from the state the baby was born in for the birth and finalization of the adoption and have those expenses; because everyone involved lives in Hawaii, there is no red-tape between states. What a blessing because it would get expensive quickly, and it will be nice to settle in within our own home.
- Baby is due Sept 18th. My prayer for several months has been that God would give us a baby on a day of significance, as a way of forever reminding me that he had everything under his control even when I couldn't see it. My birthday is Sept 21. I have had to slightly retract this prayer as my sister is getting married Sept 27th and we have tickets to fly home. So we hope the baby can (naturally) come early but only if it is safe for everyone involved.
- Our September trip home for my sister's wedding would include time with both our families. It is the only trip we have planned to see our families and it is doubtful they would be able to visit us in the future. But if for some reason this trip doesn't work out, we want to reschedule it for some future date.
- Gabe and I have had the worst time picking out a baby boy name. In 2010 we picked one name and never changed it. JJ. From there, we picked out the name James, and finally Jensen. Jensen James will be our name. This is super cool because both birth parent's name start with J.
Thanks to everyone who has prayed for us and shared in this journey. It has been an emotional few weeks. The past few years have seemed like such a long trail, but the downward slope has us at a run. I am glad I won't have lots of time to plan because I can get too wrapped up in the planning and it can overwhelm me. And besides, I've done enough waiting, right? Continue to pray as nothing is concrete until the baby is born, so there is always a chance they could change their mind. We just want God's will in the situation to be done regardless of the outcome, so pray for protection over our hearts. Also, please pray for the birth parents as it has to be a difficult time. They seem like a beautiful couple and we want nothing but the best for them.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)