I have found a fascination with these rainbows. To so many people, they are just a rainbow, an illusion of nature. But to have the knowledge that is a promise from God, it makes me look at them in a different way. At first, I took it for granted too. Then one morning, driving to work, my eyes were opened in a new way. It became a daily stamp that God is still God. He is someone who is current, actively a part of and working in the world today and not an old, stale story from the past with no relevance on my life today. Sure, the rainbow is his promise to us not to flood the world again. We get that, it's old news. But it's also his promise that he is still in charge, he is still in control. It is a daily stamp that he loves and cares about me. A daily love letter addressed to me.
One of the things I've been struggling with for years, is accepting that I am not promised a child. There is no promise in the Bible saying that any woman who desire a child will be given one. I've found that hard. There is no promise that when Gabe and I stepped out in faith that the outcome would be what we are wanting. God tells us he gives us what we need, not what we want. Maybe, it's his will that I won't have a child. It's a tough pill to swallow some days. And it's a hard thing to reconcile in my mind some days. Knowing God wants to bless us, has promises for us, and here I am wanting something that is good but not being given it and having no guarantee if will ever happen.
Gabe and I are so blessed. God has given us a beautiful life. It isn't always easy, but I love it. But even loving our life and knowing we are blessed, I'm still like a child pouting about what I don't have. One of the things I've struggled with is knowing that God gives us what we need, but not promising to give us what we want. I am not promised a child. No one is. A child is a gift, a blessing. But it's not promised. While that's the truth, I think the enemy uses that truth to distract me. This week, I realized I have been focusing on what I am not promised, instead of what I am promised.
Today, as I saw another gorgeous rainbow and had all these emotions, I realized I needed to go back and find the promises I have been given, and to focus on that. And not just read the verses, but really dig into them. I think I'm taking them for granted on not seeing the full beauty of what they contain. So my goal is to go through and make a list of promises. I know what God's promises me will outweigh anything else.
